Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
