Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she told me i tasted like america
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
