We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
