If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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