Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
