the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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