dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
