apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
