yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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