Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
