I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
