i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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