How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
