Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
