did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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