I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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