Can Purell be used as lube?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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