Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
