I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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