My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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