She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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