omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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