I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
