shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
