Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
