but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
