I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
