wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
