sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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