I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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