Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
