you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize