I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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