So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
