that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
