My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize