What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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