yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
