My sheets look like a crime scene.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
