do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
