How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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