i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize