My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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