He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
