Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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