I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize