is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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