I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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