do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize