finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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