I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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