Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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