So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
