ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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