if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
