someone threw a dead crab at me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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