I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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