she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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