My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
